ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
