I'm sorry my penis didn't work
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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