I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
