So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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