even my farts smell like vagina
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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