My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
