quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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