i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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