I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
they're like a gay fantastic four
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
