I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
