If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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