You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She even gives head with a lisp.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
