It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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