First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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