Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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