i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
