Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
