Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
