i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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