"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
