she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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