i jhust puked up my retainher.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
