I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
