You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
