i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
