May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
