i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
