yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
