dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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