i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
