the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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