Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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