i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
