"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
