Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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