Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
