We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
