So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
