just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
