And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
