The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
