shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
