If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
