there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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