he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
