this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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