I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
