ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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