he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
