Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
