Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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