New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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